Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
