My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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