Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
