he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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