i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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