she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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