LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Boobs speak an international language.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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