Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize