Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
