every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
