im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
