oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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