Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
