Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
