Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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