Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
