I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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