im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
