Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
