My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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