youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
