Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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