walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
