Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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