I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
