I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
