If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize