my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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