I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
