She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
