Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
