omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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