She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
