Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
