You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
