He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize