i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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