The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
