oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
