He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
