i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
As shirtless as possible
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
