meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
