I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
please come you make the beer taste better
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He did a backflip because drugs
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