why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
