You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
