My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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