I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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