I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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