38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
