I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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