Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
