glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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