Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
