ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
