I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
