You're earring is so big in my mouth
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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