we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
