trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
