you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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