The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
