So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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