Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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