I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
