We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
