And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
