i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
