I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
