After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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