you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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