finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
