You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
