He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
