they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
