10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize