True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
